So another update on the ongoing saga that is my hair.
My hair is now long enough that I can grab a handful in my hands and pull my skin around if that makes sense… how weirdly cool is that? It means it’s really growing back, because I had so many nightmares when I was going through chemotherapy that it wouldn’t grow back.
I am worried that the curls aren’t going to come back; I actually miss them after years of saying I hated them. Now my hair doesn’t seem to want to curl at all, it just stands up on end as if I’ve been electrocuted. And I have to say that right now I hate the way the hair on the sides of my head fluffs out. It isn’t long enough yet to tuck behind my ears but it fluffs out like duck feathers when they are ruffled; very annoying. I do have to laugh though; all those years in the 80’s when I was desperate to have a ‘flick’ style haircut like all the other girls and I couldn’t because my hair was too curly and now I have the perfect flick happening and its driving me nuts. Poetic justice I believe that’s called. I wonder if I used curling product in my hair if it would bring the curliness back. Can’t hurt to try I guess.
This is the stuff you immediately think about when you are told you’re going to need chemotherapy, but the living reality of it is even worse than you imagine. I was terribly vain about my hair. I loved how thick, glossy and soft it was and I took good care of it; no spilt ends for me. When the Doctor told me that I was going to have chemotherapy I sobbed like a heartbroken child who has lost their favourite toy because I didn’t want to lose my hair. And I apologised for crying, because it felt so silly to cry over something so unimportant in the big scheme of things. Here I was being told I needed lifesaving treatment and I was upset because I was going to lose my hair? But hair is such an important part of being a woman in our society, although it’s clear from the number of hair restoration places and products that men feel pretty much the same way about their hair too. It took less than a week for my hair to fall out completely. It was traumatic to say the least and the trauma continues now as the hair grows back inch by slow inch in the months after the chemotherapy.
But I have come to a decision that I’m going to get it cut into a style in the next month or so. I think having it shaped nicely will help me feel less like I’ve just survived chemotherapy and more like I’m in control of something, even if it is only my hair.